Sep 24, 2016

The Nude African Men Photographed by Louis Agassiz

You know Louis Agassiz (1807-1873) as the geologist who discovered evidence of past ice ages and theorized that the Earth was far older than the 6,000 or so years proposed in the Bible (although he disagreed with Darwin's theory of evolution).  He was a professor at Harvard and a lecturer at Cornell, a scientific superstar of his day, so popular that famous poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow published two poems about him, one on his 50th birthday and one on his death:

Why, when thou hadst read Nature's mysterious manuscript, and then
Wast ready to reveal the truth it bears, Why art thou silent! Why shouldst thou be dead? 

In "The Saturday Club" (1884), Oliver Wendell Holmes reminisced that he was rather a hottie:

The great professor, strong, broad-shouldered, square,
In life's rich noontide, joyous, debonair.

Personally, I don't see the attraction.

He married twice, and had three children.  His second wife was Elizabeth Cabot, a scientist in her own right, who edited his papers and wrote a biography after his death.

During the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake, the statue of Agassiz at Stanford University toppled to the ground and was lodged head-first in concrete.  There's a recreation of it at Richter's Burger Company at Universal Studios Orlando.

Agassiz's reputation has soured today because of his devotion to race science, that defunct 19th century amalgam of imperialism and prejudice that claimed that some races were more physically, emotionally, and spiritually evolved than others (guess which race got to be on top?).

Agassiz even subscribed to the theory of polygenism: the races originated from different pre-human groups, and so were biologically distinct, like separate species.

To help support his theory, in 1850 he arranged for a Z. T. Zealy of Columbia, South Carolina to take photographs of local slaves: nude, full frontal, side, and rear shots.  Fifteen years later, he led an expedition to Brazil, where he photographed more slaves, frontal, side, and rear shots.

Although he disliked black people and "felt physically ill in their presence," Agassiz was delighted by what he interpreted as strong physiological differences that "proved" the two races to b different species with no common ancestor, the black far inferior to the white.

See "Black Bodies, White Science" on the U.S. Slave blog.

Today we look at these photographs with shock that anyone well-trained in the scientific method could have been so wrong, outrage that human beings were degraded in this way, and with a long-overdue erotic appreciation.

These men were strong, handsome, well-endowed, with friends and lovers whose bodies they touched, and who touched them.  From a distance of 160 years, we can look back and appreciate masculine beauty where Agassiz and his audience saw only specimens.

But how are we to know that his audience didn't look at these photographs and see men?

The nude photos are on Tales of West Hollywood.

Pat Boone, Gay Icon

It's hard to imagine, but conservative spokesperson Pat Boone was once an icon for gay kids.  In a 1959 version of the Jules Verne classic Journey to the Center of the Earth, one of a series of adaptions of Jules Verne classics which Disney made during the period, Alec (Boone) journeys into the subterranean world with his geologist uncle, Professor Lindenbrook (James Mason), their guide Hans (Peter Ronson), and a love interest for the professor (Arlene Dahl).

While minimizing plausibility (they encounter giant lizards and the ruins of Atlantis), director Henry Levin maximized beefcake. As the explorers descend, Alec doffs his clothes, and the camera forsakes closeups of his prettyboy face to concentrate on his small, firm biceps and lean, tight chest.

Soon Hans doffs his clothes, too; he is blond and beefy, considerably more defined, a veritable Tarzan.

The men spend the rest of the movie falling into pits, fleeing from lizards, almost suffocating in salt pits, and almost drowning in oceans, and consequently rescuing, grabbing, holding, and comforting each other; Alec is especially likely to require rescue, followed by cradling in Hans' strong arms. When they reach a field of giant mushrooms that will replenish their dwindling food supply, they are so delighted that they break out into a dance while the Professor's love interest stands aside, a spectator only.

Hans is not interested in girls, but Alex has a girlfriend back home, whom he marries in the last frames of the movie.  But after two hours of half-naked men grabbing, holding, and comforting each other, we could put up with a fade-out boy-girl kiss.

In real life, Pat Boone is a conservative Christian who frequently makes homophobic statements, although my friend Randall said that he was "straight but open to suggestions back in the 1950s.

See: Dick Sargent's Hookup with Pat Boone

Bugs and Porky meet a Drag King: Warner Brothers Comics

When I was a kid in the 1960s, my favorite comic titles were Harvey (gay-vague Casper the Friendly Ghost), Disney, Archie, and the Gold Key jungle adventures.

Comics featuring Warner Brothers cartoon characters Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, and Bugs Bunny were low on my list.

The art was amateurish, with minimal backgrounds, or just blank space (this is one of the best covers).

The plots were boring slapstick.

And instead of the anarchic outsiders of the cartoons, the characters were stable, stolid suburbanites, with houses and jobs and girlfriends. Porky was a single dad, raising his nephew, Cicero.

But sometimes Bugs and Porky or Yosemite Sam teamed up for adventure stories.  Maybe they stumbled upon a haunted inn.  Or they answered a job ad for "undersea explorers"  Or a telegram arrived about "trouble at the ranch."  Buddy-bonding, captures, and nick-of-time rescues followed.

A continuing series had Bugs and Porky working as Indiana Jones-style adventurer-archaeologists, investigating the myth of Pegasus or discovering a lost civilization hidden under the ice of Antartica.  With no girlfriends in sight, and no damsels in distress to be won.

Even when there was no buddy-bonding, the adventure stories offered opportunities for gay misreadings.  In "The Kingdom of Nowhere" (Porky Pig 4, 1965),  Porky wins a contest to re-name a Medieval kingdom (he suggests Boovaria).  But he must fight the other winner, the Black Knight.

When I first read the story, probably in my boyfriend Bill's room in third grade, I didn't realize that this small, short-haired person grabbing the king's rump was supposed to be the queen.  I thought he had a tiny boyfriend.

When Porky and the Black Knight learn that, as an added bonus, the winner will marry the Princess,  they drop out of the contest and run away.  Porky, because he already has a girlfriend.

But why does the Black Knight run away?  Could it be that he doesn't particularly care for girls?

Later we get an explanation: the Black Knight was really his girlfriend Petunia in drag!  Porky exclaims "No wonder you weren't interested in winning the hand of the princess!"

But this quick-fix doesn't detract from the image of a boy not interested in girls.

And it adds a new question: why, precisely, did Petunia disguise herself as a man?

For that matter, why are Bugs and Porky so comfortable in drag?

See also: Andy Panda and Woody Woodpecker.

Sep 23, 2016

Victor Mature: Supersized in Old Hollywood

Speaking of well-endowed Old Hollywood, check out this guy's swimsuit bulge.

He's Victor Mature (1913-1999), beefcake star of the 1940s and 1950s.

A Kentucky boy, son of Italian immigrants, he moved to California in the 1930s and signed on with Hal Roach Studios, where he was cast in One Million B.C. (1940).  He plays a bushy-haired caveman with an unimpressive physique who fights dinosaurs and gets the girl.

Um...there were no dinosaurs in 1,000,000 BC, and the human ancestors were homo erectus, who didn't have language or clothing yet.

Later he contracted with RKO and 20th Century Fox, and appeared in dozens of movies, specializing in dramas set in the ancient world, where he could take his shirt off: Samson and Delilah (1949), Androcles and the Lion (1952), The Robe (1953), The Egyptian (1954), Hannibal (1959).

He also starred as toughs and heavies in Westerns (My Darling Clementine) and film noir (Kiss of Death).

In the 1960s, he became less interested in film, or film became less interested in him, and his roles became sparse, mostly self-parodies, such as The Big Victor in the Monkees' Head (1968).

His last role was a walk-in as Samson's father in Samson and Delilah (1984), with Antony Hamilton playing the muscleman that Victor himself played 44 years before.

Mature was married five times, and had one child.  According to Hollywood Babylon, he was bisexual.

Bi or not, he had one of the largest endowments in Hollywood.  There's a picture on Tales of West Hollywood.

Picking Up a College Track Star in Front of My Brother

Small Town Illinois, September 2016

We're on our way back from a funeral, my brother and sister-in-law in the front seat, me in the back, driving down I-74 through a wilderness of small towns and vast plains: Danville, Farmer City, Mahomet, LeRoy, Downs, Carlock.

Katie points to the sign of a town with a quirky name.  "We should stop there for dinner.  It will probably have a cute Mom and Pop restaurant that all of the locals go to."

"Small town locals?  Sounds scary.  ZZ Top wannabes driving red pickup trucks with Confederate flags and 'I Heart Trump' bumper stickers."

"...and rows of cute boutiques and antique shops," Katie says.

"I think we should just press on to Bloomington.  According to Google Maps, there are three Thai restaurants..."

"I can't wait another hour!" my brother Ken exclaims.  "And I'm not eating rest-stop McDonalds!"

"It will be fine!" Katie jokes.  "If your hot pink tutu and drag queen bouffant attract rednecks, we'll tell them you're my hairdresser."

The full story, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Finding Small Town Gay Men on Grindr

In the book Familiar Faces, Hidden Lives: The Story of Homosexual Men in America Today (1976), Howard Brown expresses horror over a gay friend's decision to move away from Baltimore to a small town: "How could a 35 year old, well-educated [gay man] put himself in such a position?  Didn't he know that he was choosing a life that would afford no chance of love?"

 In the 1980s and 1990s,  the moment you figured out that you were gay, you made plans to move to a big city. Small towns and even medium-sized cities were sites of lies, secrets, and silence, where gay people were assumed not to exist, and probably didn't.

There might be one or gay people left in Crawfordsville, Indiana, or Danville, Illinois.  They were deeply closeted, living in constant fear, isolated, lonely, desperate.

Yesterday I was traveling with my brother and sister-in-law on I-74 through the desolate nowheres of Indiana and Illinois, past Crawfordsville and Danville, Veedersburg and Westville, Mahomet and Farmer City and Leroy.  I turned on Grindr, and watched the names and faces come and go, and listened the voices of gay men.  Were they still isolated, lonely, desperate?

Here are 14 of their profiles.  Decide for yourself.

1. Gaymer.  Weirdo book lover.  I don't drive.  Sometimes mean, sometimes boring, but if I'm on here, I'm horny, so send some men.

2. Mystic.  Running, animals, anime, gaming, having fun, stargazing. Passing time on Earth, making friends along the way.  I'm an old soul in a modern age, dreaming of things that might never be.  Hookups ok.

3. Tonka.  Like the toy trucks, I have big wheels.  Other things are big, too.  I try to laugh at whatever life brings: conversation, cuddling, sex.  Can host.  Hablo Espanol.

4. Funfun.  Living life at level 10.  Hit me up for a night of Netflix and pizza. If you have holes in your ears big enough to see through, no thanks.  No one over 26.

The full post, with nude photos and sexual content, is on Tales of West Hollywood

Aldo Ray: The Voice, Chest, and Endowment that Wowed Old Hollywood

Aldo Ray is on my list of gay and gay-friendly people born in 1926, but I didn't know anything else about him until I started looking for photos.

He was a blond, beefy screen hunk with a deep voice and a hairy chest, who took off his shirt at the drop of a script.

Born in Pennsylvania in 1926, he served in World War II, married, and was elected Crockett, California town constable before driving his brother to an audition for Saturday's Hero (1951) and getting cast himself.

Gay director George Cukor took a special interest in Ray, and upon seeing him naked (however that happened), made him a headliner at his legendary Sunday afternoon parties, where well-endowed hunks swam naked for the enjoyment of the guests.

Later Cukor cast Ray in Pat and Mike (1952), starring screen legends Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn.  Scott Bowers, the legendary trotaconventos of old Hollywood, claims that that Spencer Tracy was only one of the stars who made good use of Ray's superheroic endowment.

Somehow Ray also found the time to hang out at Henry Willson's pool parties with a stable of gay, bi, gay-for-pay, and allied beefcake stars like Farley Granger, Robert Stack, Tony Curtis, John Bromfield, and Rock Hudson.

Ray starred in many movies of the 1950s and 1960s as an assortment of gruff, taciturn bad guys, soldiers, cops, and rednecks.  Among his most famous movies:

God's Little Acre (1958), as a taciturn farmer who has an affair with future Gilligan's Island star Tina Louise.

The Naked and the Dead (1958), as a soldier killed in action after bullying Cliff Robertson.

Four Desperate Men (1959), as a police officer dealing with a hostage situation in Sydney.

Johnny Nobody (1960), as an amnesiac murderer.

Dead Heat on a Merry-Go Round (1966).  Great title, whatever it's about.

What Did You Do In The War, Daddy? (1966), an anti-Vietnam farce.

The Green Berets (1968), a pro-Vietnam farce

Typecast as gruff and gravelly-voiced, Ray faced a career decline in the 1970s.  He appeared mostly in horror movies (Death Dimension, Human Experiments, Don't Go Near the Park, Terror in the Night) and on tv as the recognizable has-been guest star (Police Story, SWAT, Marcus Welby MD, CHIPS).

Aldo Ray died of throat cancer on March 27, 1991, survived by his third wife and four children, including actor Eric DaRe (Twin Peaks).

See also: Jerry Lewis Falls in Love; Henry Willson and Gay Hollywood.

Sep 22, 2016

The 10 Hottest Small Guys

The average size the U.S. is between 5" and 6."  But everyone thinks it's about 8", so average-sized guys often feel insecure, and small guys always try to hide it.  But small ones work just like big ones

Besides, I've never met a small guy who wasn't drop-dead gorgeous.  Especially these guys, who aren't ashamed of their smallness, who highlight it, transform it into undeniable hotness.

Here are 10 of the hottest small guys I could find.

1. Beautiful face, tight hard body.

2. A twin with the classic face and physique of a Von Gloeden photograph, his limbs akimbo, one hand posed to draw our eye to the endowment of an ancient Greek statue.

3.  This Asian muscleman has his pubic hair carefully trimmed, like a window into a darkened universe, with a single light shining.

4. Radiant smile, slim body glowing with vitality, a dress shirt half off.

5. Husky, hairy, enveloped in shadow in a rocky wasteland, inviting you to work your way up.

6. This bodybuilder has a little sunburn on his chest and arms.

7.  This slim guy with the teen-idol cuteness has a nub so small you can't help but stare.  You've never seen one that small before; you want to investigate.  Which is what he intended all along.

8. A black chub who is owning his physique, bright light emphasizing his smooth round belly and the smallness beneath.

9.  Caught unaware at an event, the twink with the pale, firm body wipes off with a towel, not at all self-conscious about his smallness.

10.  An invitation to bed from a guy who has just toweled off from the shower, his arm out, waiting for your touch.

The uncensored list, with the nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

A Beefcake Tour of the Louvre

I love the Louvre.  I could go every day.  But everybody else on Earth, literally, wants to visit, too.  It gets 8,000,000 visitors per year,  so if you're not careful, you'll be caught up in the crowds.

1. Go on Wednesday or Friday evening (they're open to 9:45 pm).  Or else Christmas Eve; you'll have the place to yourself.

2. Buy your ticket online, and pick it up at a FNAC store.

3. Don't go through the crystal pyramid; try the Passage Richelieu, off the Rue de Rivoli.

4. Skip the Big Sights.  The Mona Lisa looks like the Mona Lisa, and the Venus de Milo looks like the Venus de Milo.  Target!

People have been going to the Louvre for beefcake since 1793.  In the 1920s, Ernest Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald spent afternoons looking at the penises on statues.

Here's a perfect 3-hour beefcake tour.

6:45 pm: Having picked up your ticket and had a quick snack, go through the Passage Richelieu, and wander around in the French sculptures for about 15 minutes.  Look for Julien's Wounded Gladiator and Desjardin's Captive (above).

7:00 pm: Go up two flights to the Second Floor, and the German, Dutch, and  Flemish paintings.  Finding the beefcake here takes a little work, so it's best to do it at the start, when you're not tired yet.  Look for Malouel's round Pieta with the naked Jesus, Carl Van Loo's portrait of Neptune, and Van Dyck's Amor and Psyche.  About 20 minutes.

7:20 pm.  Next stop, the French paintings in the Sully Wing.  You're looking for Oedipus and the Sphinx (Ingres), the semi-nude Echo and Narcissus (Poussin), Berthelemey's Creation of Man, Couder's Fight Between Hercules and Antaeus (top photo), Pierre Subleyras's Charon, with a nude backside (left), and Francois Boucher's Venus Demanding Arms for Aeneas.

More after the break

Sep 21, 2016

Spring 1983: Reading Faulkner: Redneck Muscle and Boys in Drag

Nothing brings back my memories of college literature classes more than William Faulkner.  Other authors I can return to with respect, even with pleasure, but Faulkner is mostly incomprehensible, and the parts I understand fill me with disgust.

In the spring of 1983, I took a horrible class in turgid, heterosexist "classics."  First Ulysses (by James Joyce), and then The Waste Land (by T.S. Eliot).  Then...shudder, gasp... The Sound and the Fury (1929), by William Faulkner.

"Marvelous!" the Professor chirped. "Stupendous!  A masterpiece!  The greatest novel ever written!"

I doubt he has ever read it.  I doubt anyone has.  It is literally impossible to understand even a word.  Check out the first two sentences:

Through the fence, between the curling flower spaces, I could see them hitting.  They were coming toward where the flag was and I went along the fence.

Benjy the Idiot is standing on the other side of a fence from a golf course.  I looked it up -- no way to ever figure it out from the cryptic text.

As I understand it from extensive research, The Sound and the Fury is about three brothers in the dying, decrepit, depressed Compson family of Mississipi: Benjy, Quentin, and Jason.  I imagine they look like this.

Part 1: Narrated by Benjy, an "idiot" who has no conception of time, and jumps back and forth at random between events that he didn't understand in the first place.  He cries a lot, and he's obsessed with his sister Caddy's muddy underwear.

Gay subtext: The elderly "Negro" servant Dilsey warns her grandson Luster to stay away from the Man with the Red Tie.  Wearing red is probably a gay symbol, like wearing lavender today.  Maybe they're having a gay affair.  And hopefully Luster looks like this.

Part 2: Narrated by Quentin, a Harvard freshman who's crazy, and whose mind jumps back and forth at random just like Benjy's. He's obviously gay, in love with his roommate, Shreve, who responds by grabbing his knee.  Someone even calls Shreve his "husband."  

He claims to have committed incest with his sister Caddy, but he's lying to hide a worse shame -- she had sex with someone else.

Wait -- aren't you supposed to have sex with someone other than your brother?

This part is also completely incomprehensible.  Not even a single sentence makes any sense. I understand Quentin commits suicide.

Part 3: Narrated by Jason, the third brother, the only one who thinks normally and writes normally.  This part is sort of comprehensible, except for references to events from the first part that we don't know about because they were both written in gibberish, and the fact that a different Quentin shows up -- this one Caddy's daughter.  Calling a girl by a boy's name always leads to gay subtexts, but it also compounds the confusion in what is already an incomprehensible book.

Jason's story is about stealing money from Quentin #2.  I think.

Part 4: No narrator. Miss Quentin has taken the money Jason stole from her, plus some of his own, and run off with the Man with a Red Tie (the one Luster is having an affair with in Part 1).  So maybe Miss Quentin is a boy in drag.  Jason does get awfully upset when he sees "her" in a bathrobe.

The homophobic Jason looks for Miss Quentin, to get his money back, but finally gives up.  The end.

It took a lot of creativity and endless Cliff's Notes to get through!

And beefcake photos.  Here's a semi-nude William Faulkner, thinking up new and better ways to torture English majors.

I didn't know it at the time, but a year later I would be cruising in Faulkner country, Oxford, Mississippi.

Teenage Millionaire: The Teen Idol Career of Jimmy Clanton

Have you ever heard of Jimmy Clanton?

I thought I was an expert on teen idols, but I missed this one.

Born in 1938 in Louisiana, he burst onto the charts right after high school, eschewing the usual rock for rhythm & blues.  Between 1958 and 1962, he released six albums, and had three hit songs:

"Just a Dream" (1958) isn't heterosexist.  It could apply to a boy or a girl:

Just a dream, just a dream
All our plans and our all schemes
How could I think you'd be mine
The lies I'd tell myself each time

"Go, Jimmy, Go" (1959) is heterosexist, however.  He brags to his girlfriend about his expertise in sweet-talking, dancing, and kissing, and she responds with an open invitation: "Go, Jimmy, Go!"

"Venus in Blue Jeans" (1962), of course, is about a girl.

She's Venus in blue jeans
Mona Lisa with a ponytail
She's a walking, talking work of art
She's the girl who stole my heart

Jimmy got a lot of exposure in the late 1950s, including beefcake (or at least shirtless) shots in teen magazines and two movies designed to showcase his teen idol appeal:

Go, Jimmy, Go (1959), where he is renamed Jimmy Melody.  Chuck Berry, Eddie Cochran, and Ritchie Valens also perform.

Teenage Millionaire (1961) is about the millionaire son of a radio station owner, who goes undercover and woos a girl.  Zazu Pitts, the 1930s movie legend who was a lesbian in real life, plays Aunt Theodora.

At least there are poolside scenes.

But Jimmy was a little "un-hip," even for the Kennedy Era, and his star soon faded.

He continued to perform through the 1960s, and later became a disc jockey.  He is still in demand for nostalgia concerts.

He looks rather Liberace-like in this recent photo, but there's little evidence that he is gay.  He's been married since 1962, and has three daughters, two adopted, one biological.

Or a gay ally: he''s a member of the Lakewood Church in Houston, pastored by "homosexuality is a sin" Joel Osteen.

See also: Paul Anka; Beach Movies 

The Boys of Flipper

Flipper (1964-67),  was like Lassie or Skippy the Bush Kangaroo, except set n the Florida Everglades, with a dolphin instead of a collie or a kangaroo, and no women in sight. It seemed designed explicitly for the viewing pleasure of gay kids (your other choices on Saturday night were Jackie Gleason, for the grownups, and Shindig, for the teens).

It was about Ranger Porter Ricks (Brian Kelly), who lived in the Everglades National Park with his two sons, used boats more than cars, and didn't seem to own a shirt.

Nor dd his lithe, androgynous son Sandy Ricks (seventeen-year old Luke Halpin), who seemed to go to school once in a while, but otherwise was swimming, diving, boating, and getting into trouble.  He wore cut-off jeans that were way too tight for adequate modesty, and shrank even more whenever he got wet (which was all the time).

And can someone explain Bud Ricks (twelve-year old Tommy Norden)?  He's a kid with the pecs and abs of an adult bodybuilder.  Did they graft a 12-year old's head onto a grown-up's body, or what? (The same muscle spurt, incidentally, happened in comics to Richie Rich.)

Not that any gay kids were complaining.  Saturday night, summer or winter, was beefcake time.

 There was not a lot of buddy-bonding; Sandy and/or Bud needed rescuing a lot, but it was always Flipper who chirped to the rescue.  But -- and this was a big "but" for 1960s tv - none of the boys exhibited much heterosexual interest.  Porter and Bud, never.

Sandy had already grinned and flirted with a girl in the movie Flipper’s New Adventure (1964), yet he expressed an interest in girls during the tv series only twice. In “Love and Sandy” (1965), he has an unrequited crush on  a college girl (Cheryl Miller), and in “Cupid Flipper” (1966) he mistakenly believes that his girlfriend (Susan Abbot) is in love with his father. It was like a weekly vacation from the tedium of incessant "what girl do you like"?

There were lots of book tie-ins and toys available for the off-hours.

After a few 1970s tv appearances, such as The Mighty IsisTommy Norden retired from acting, and Brian Kelly was forced to retire in 1970 after a motorcycle accident paralyzed his right arm and leg -- he continued to produce movies like The Blade Runner (1982).  But Luke Halpin had a long career on television and in movies like Island of the Lost (1967) and  If It's Tuesday, This Must be Belgium (1969).  

See also: Flipper Toys

Sep 20, 2016

Top 10 Public Penises of the South

Many people in the northern states of the U.S. are afraid of the South, that vast territory that extends from Washington DC, 1200 miles to Miami Beach, and west 1000 miles to Kansas City.  It's full of screaming homophobes, racists, Confederate wannabes, guys wearing overalls and feed store caps who drive pick-up trucks down dusty roads yelling "Git 'er done!"

It has all of that, but it also has top research universities, a world renowned opera company, three gay meccas (Atlanta, Fort Lauderdale, Miami), some gay-friendly resorts, the best Chinese food I've ever had, and lots of beefcake.

It's hot, so guys take their shirts off a lot.

Here are the top 10 public penises of the South:

1. The capital of Missouri isn't Kansas City or St. Louis, but Boomererson City, population 40,000.  Its manageable size makes sightseeing easier.  Look for this beautiful neoclassical Mercury outside the State Capitol.

2. This African-American boy is too young to be proper beefcake, but he's certainly an unexpected find, sitting shirtless at the George Washington Carver National Monument in Diamond, Missouri, near Joplin.

3. I've been to Kentucky several times to visit my mother's kinfolk, but I didn't know that there was a 30-foot tall fiberglass replica of Michelangelo's David, penis and all, in downtown Louisville (on the corner of Main and 7th).  Of course, it has some residents in an uproar, yelling "Think of the children!"

4. Speaking of uproars, right in the heart of downtown Nashville, Tennessee, on Music Row (Division and 16th Avenue North), traffic stops as drivers gawk at Musica, a group of nine 10-foot tall naked men and women holding the Goddess of Music aloft.  They're not usually carrying guitars.

 It wasn't there when I spent a semester in Nashville; it was unveiled in 2003, the controversial work of sculptor Alan LeQuire.

5. The War Memorial Auditorium, across from the State Capitol, features this hunky slab of marble holding a sword and a goddess, his penis coyly covered.

6. Memphis, Tennessee is named after the ancient Egyptian city, so there's a  25-foot fiberglass replica of the famous statue of Ramses II on the campus of the University of Memphis (on Central Avenue).

More after the break

I stopped in Oxford, Mississippi in 1984, on my way to Hell-fer-Sartain State University.  No good public art, but a lot of cruising.

7. Birmingham is an island of (relative) sophistication in the heart of red-state Alabama.  It has an opera company, a nice used bookstore, and a very good Chinese restaurant, Mr. Chen's.  Also this 56-foot tall statue of Vulcan, the smith of the gods, to symbolize the city's iron-mine origins (in the Vulcan Park, on Red Mountain).  He's got a semi-bare chest and a bare butt.

8. If you have any particular reason to go to Lafayette, Alabama, about 20 miles from Auburn, look for this life-sized statue of boxer Joe Louis outside the Chambers County Museum.

9. The Seafarer Memorial in Mobile, Alabama

10.New Orleans, Louisiana really deserves a separate entry, but just to whet your appetite, check out these naked men in the City Park

I only made it as far as New Orleans.  The whole Southeast, is left, from Virginia to Georgia to the Carolinas to Florida.

See also: Dating a country-western star; and Ten More Public Penises of the South